Friday, 31 May 2013

Sunshine through my window...

Carpet rainbows!


Thursday, 30 May 2013


Yesterday was not a good day. I was miserable, I was doubting myself, my self-confidence was having a bit of a wallow, all in all by the time Wavey got home last night I had essentially convinced myself that I am going to fail the risk management module. Last night after tea we sat down together to try to figure it all out. As he was reading and chuntering and even occasionally swearing I was taking some warped satisfaction that finally someone else was going to figure out what a load of old b******cks it is and that I wasn't just being over dramatic. It really is bloody hard! 

However because he is also a man who never gives up he was determined that we were going to get it sorted and make a good start on the assignment. We took my basic pencil and many rubbings out network diagram (part 1 of part 1) and put it into the fancy dancy computer programme. And guess what? My thrown together and rubbed out many times network was actually right! Go figure. Maybe I do know what I'm doing here. Well maybe only a little bit. Teensy in fact. But enough to see that I was taking the right direction and maybe, possibly, I might not fail. Don't get me wrong, I'm hoping to barely scrape a pass. Anything higher than that will be bloomin marvellous and let's pray for nothing lower or I might have to try and do it all over again (nooooooooo!). 

As it stands right now I have ticked part 1 of part 1 off. Only 5 more ticks to go and then this one is done...only! I've only got to pretend I know what I'm talking about when I 'critically' discuss Monte Carlo Simulation and uniform distribution, oh and throw in some sensitivity analysis for good measure (yikes). As I said, barely scraping a pass is my one aim here. 

So I guess this post is a long way round of saying yep, reassurance is just the best. Especially when it's accompanied with reassuring hugs. And chocolate biscuits. Mmmm, chocolate biscuits are always good. 

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Have a word

I'm having a word with myself. A serious word. I've got one more set of assignments left to do and then I'm all finished for the term. I get my life back, I get to have some fun, I get to sit anywhere in the house other than at this end of the table in front of the laptop. But I just can't get motivated. My assignments are for the Risk Management module and this baby has been my bug-bear the whole way through. It's been full of formulas and statistics and mind bending number crunching that has seriously challenged my not good at maths brain and has more often than not left me in total head mash status. And so I feel like whining about it. If you'll be so kind to indulge my brief whine I'd be most appreciative. 

The assignment is in 3 parts. The first part contains 6 elements including drawing a network diagram from numbers that are not immediately apparent and talking about risk methodologies and sensitivity analysis and changing distributions. I've decided to leave that mutha until last as just reading those 6 questions brings me out in a nervous rash. The second part seems like a basic question but is phrased quite badly and despite asking for confirmation I'm still not entirely certain what I'm supposed to be doing. The third part is the bit I'm tackling now. I've done my spread sheet queen business and am pleased that the formulas and stuff actually worked, but now I have to write about different distributions like triangle and normal and then create a cumulative distribution curve...this shit just goes on and on! And all the while I can't help but think about conversations I've had with people who work out there in the real world that their risk management is basically a pretty chart with red for the danger zone, address those risks first, and everything else get to later on. Why do I need to do all this maths?! 

The guy who is leading the module has a brain the size of the whole world. I literally believe that. He genuinely can't get his head round people who can't just reel this stuff off as if they were talking about their favourite breakfast cereal. I wish I had his brain right about now. But instead I have mine. Which is clearly demonstrating resistance to this stuff. Hence the need for the word. The serious word(s). Those words are: STOP WHINING LADY! And with that I'm taking my feeling sorry for myself-self and getting back to the books. I'll see you on the other side...

Friday, 24 May 2013


Even though it seems we've woken up in another season...
Even though I'm wearing black tights and a jumper...
Even though it's supposed to be summer...

I am declaring it. This is going to be the anthem of the summer. I promise you. I can hear it ringing all across the fields. Press play, raise your hands, and sing along with me:

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Free music!

I love love love music! I never understand these people who say they just have it on as background or they don't really bother much with it at all *shocked wide eyes* say what?! You know what else I love? Free stuff. Combine those two words: free and music and what you have is magic. 

A few weeks ago I took part in a survey for Channel 4. All I had to do everyday for a month was follow a few simple steps on an app and at the end of the month, just for being good and taking a few minutes out of my day, they gave me £25 in vouchers! Woooop! I've just used those vouchers to go on a total music fest, cos you might not be able to buy stuff when you're a poor student but if that stuff is free then who can complain. 

Palma Violets!
Veronica Falls!

Add to basket. Click clickety click, thank you very much. Then, just when you think it really can't get any better, I joined the mailing list of my new favourite boys, The Strypes, and they gave me a free download too. Yippeee! I have to go now and blast out all my new favourite music. Free favourite music. Yip yip and a woooo for good measure. Oh before I go, if any of you are looking for some new music I would highly recommend all of the above...although I think that's kind of obvious. 

Later alligators. 

Monday, 20 May 2013

Sofa Power

I think it's fair to say I am in crunch time. I have 8 days, well 7 really as today is passing by, to complete 2 in-tray tasks that both need a business report and a spread sheet model, a 20 minute presentation on IT Governance, and a learning journal weighted at 30% of the mark. Bypassing the urge to seriously hyperventilate I am approaching this in a methodical manner: research one day, write it up the next. I've started the presentation and the learning journal just needs some is do-able but the stress might do me in! 

Me and stress are not good friends, actually I don't know anyone who likes the guy to be honest. He makes me weary and dizzy, I'm always starving as I think the adrenaline burns up everything I eat, let's face it, stress is an arse. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, why wasn't I more organised? Good question but pointless asking it now. It is what it is and I have to get it done.

I've just taken some quality sofa time. Put the kitchen timer on for 15 minutes, sank into the battered old sofa, closed my eyes and chilled out, bliss! I may make this part of my new strategy. I feel slightly restored. Hunger is calling yet again, an apple this time I think, I'm trying to keep the endless eating as healthy as possible or I'll be a wreck and fat by the time I'm done! 

My last deadline day is 9th June. I can't wait. I promise myself that next time I'll be more organised but I'm pretty sure I won't be. This student-ing is harder than people think! My brain never worked this much at work, no wonder I'm always knackered! Anyway enough moaning, back to the books for me. 

Sunday, 19 May 2013

These boys...

...are my new favourite band. I predict big things! 

Friday, 17 May 2013

This week...

It's deadline city at the moment. Everyday I spend much of the day in the same place in the house, wearing 4 treads into the carpet from the chair, and surrounded by this:

This is me for the next 3 weeks. I can't wait for it to be over! 

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

All the pretty flowers

It's damp and soggy outside. But inside is awash with colour:


Friday, 10 May 2013


Somehow Wavey and I are taking care of a 9 month old Rotweiler puppy. Since she arrived on Sunday it has been bonkers crazy in our normally calm and peaceful house. No more can we just chill out of an evening, instead from the moment we walk in the house to be greeted by this huge creature jumping up and licking us to death to the moment that it's finally bed time it's constant watching and making sure she's not doing anything she shouldn't, or eating anything ( yesterday she ate string, moss, one tiny oat crumb from a cereal bar I was eating, and she obviously found some tasty treats down the side of the sofa as she had her snout stuck in there for ages ). Everything we wear is stained with dog saliva, she's licked everything in the house so her smell lingers everywhere and don't even get me started on other smells and lack of house training...stressful doesn't even cover it! 

On Monday Wavey got his first glimpse of Dizz angry, like really angry! It takes a whole LOT to wind me up but this dopey pup managed to do just that. After a day of feeling sick and being constantly angry we took a moment to say woah, this isn't getting us anywhere, she's here, she's going to do stuff, let's just deal. Since then there's less of the anger but blimey she's hard work! Much harder than children. At least you can take kids everywhere with you but the same cannot be said for puppies. 

One of the things that is making us laugh the most in a kind of I can't believe this is who we have become situation is our conversation about her bathroom habits. How has this become normal?! Since she's arrived we don't seem to have had a normal conversation, and our poor neighbours must be so sick of hearing me shout her name followed by NO! Right now she's stretched out in the sun and it's hard to believe she's any bother as she snores gently but don't be fooled! Any minute now she'll be up again wanting to play with her soggy tuggy toy that nearly breaks your arm, she is very strong!

How do people do this? It's exhausting! Parenthood definitely ain't all it's cracked up to be. 

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

New-y new-ness

When I worked in the library I had loads of interviews, a couple of them were successful but the majority of them were hideous. I could never just be myself, I had to put on this face and pretend that I knew about strategy (usually badly!)  and KPIs and all sorts of other bizarre stuff. It was hardly surprising looking back that I was always unsuccessful. 

Since leaving the library I've now had two interviews. One was more of a meeting and was over lunch which I didn't have to pay for. Out of that I have this amazing volunteering opportunity which will help boost my experience portfolio and enhance my CV. Today I had an interview where I got a free cup of yummy tea of the week (passion fruit, black tea, deelish) and party rings and coconut bites. I answered the four scenarios that were posed to me and the rest if the time we talked about nice stuff like growing vegetables and baking cakes and doing up houses. It was so nice that at the end my interviewer hugged me! I don't know the outcome of that one yet (keeping my fingers crossed though) but it is so so so brilliant to be able to just be myself and for the interviewer to be interested in me for that very reason. No strategy, no bullshizz, just a lovely chat to find out a bit more and maybe make sure that you are presentable and will be a good face for their business. 

I have another interview tomorrow and one next week. I'm hoping there might be a cup of tea again but it will be okay if there isn't, all this practice is so good for me for when I face the big wide world of permanent and salaried jobs again. For now though I am embracing the chance to be myself, wear less formal clothing, and enjoy the feeling that it might, I might, actually be what people are looking for. Fingers crossed! 

Wednesday, 1 May 2013


The last time I was a full time student I was aged 20-23. Whenever stuff got hard or my brain was mush or I just needed a break we would all meet up in our house share, put the kettle on, and have a good old gas. Or we would head to the pub. Pretty much a win-win there then. This time around I am 38, and you know what? It might seem obvious but it's oh so different. 

In the younger days when deadlines loomed I seem to remember that we would probably just go to the pub. This time around, my deadlines are looming large and I can almost see numbers and days falling away in front of my eyes. The urge to panic is big and there's been a couple of times when I have felt completely overwhelmed and all bit oh my god what have I done type thing. Don't get me wrong, I know that this is by far the best decision I have made in a long time but with age comes fear, and that carefree attitude that I had back then is nowhere to be found. I've got a lot riding on this and I have to do it right. 

Thankfully good discipline seems to have come along with age. I get up in the morning as if I was going to work. Yes I catch up with some of my trash tv before I start the day but I am up and about and reading and thinking and scribbling and I am achieving a lot each day. But there's so much to do! I don't seem to remember having to do this much work before. Maybe I picked a really easy course and there wasn't the same level of commitment. I seem to remember writing essays more than business reports, or newspaper articles, or ideas for radio shows - yep actually a lot different to the marketing strategy I am currently composing or the presentation on IT Governance I was working on this morning. Or maybe all my memories from before were drowned in all the beer?

Maybe I should sack this sitting here and pretending to be good and just go to the pub! I know I won't but it was amusing to put it out there. I can imagine Wavey coming home to find me crashing around the house shouting sshhhh and trying to locate the nearest snack point before stumbling to bed in a drunken stupor...perhaps not. See? With age comes the fear. And choosing sensible over yeah whatever. Sometimes I miss those days...but then that Dizz really didn't have a clue about life and which direction she wanted to go in. This Dizz does. And she's very determined. So I best put down the blog as if it was a writing pad and switch programmes and get back to my marketing strategy. But you know what? When I'm all done at the end of this month I am so going to the pub to get drunk! Can't wait...