Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Blogging from a mobile?

Just testing it out, does it work? Tizz

Friday, 21 March 2008


Our friend K is getting married tomorrow. The first hen night happened a couple of weeks ago but neither me or Tizz could attend. I had wonky ear trouble, and Tizz was at another party, being the social-animal that she is. So we decided we'd throw her a mini hen night last night. I say mini as there was only K, me, and Tizz there. Turns out, who needs more peeps than that? Eeeeh we had such a laugh.

First up we decided that we should go to Stockton for a night of cheese. We get to the town and very worriedly find that most of the pubs seem to be closed and those that do have people in, there's only about 3 people in them. Not going to be so helpful for our dare card. We were not at all sure what to expect. Who knew we would end up having such a laugh?

The first venue was busy busy busy. We had a couple of mix ups with our bar order so ended up drinking all manner of non-ordered things. We dressed up the hen and set her to her first couple of tasks, namely kissing the next man to walk through the door, and to pinch 5 men's bottoms. We ended up talking to the campest man in the world who very kindly let K pinch his bum. The night had begun.

I won't go into all of the challenges, but some of them are particularly noteworthy. The simple ones marked off, the final pub we ventured into had to be where we would find a man who would let K rub her face against his hairy chest. What we didn't realise as these three men started talking to us was quite how awful they were going to be. One of them had a severe flatulence problem and was producing some particularly fruity odours, another of them had very bad body odour, and the third informed us that he wasn't wearing any pants as they rub against his thighs. Farting guy also kept taking his trousers down and threatening to take his pants off. He stroked my hair (which we all know is waaaaayyyy off limits for Dizz) and asked me if it was real - did he mean my hair or the colour do we think? Anyhoo, he also took quite a fancy to my bottom and rather charmingly told me that if I showed him my bottom he'd get his knob out for me. How lucky am I? Particularly as his hand seemed to be attached to my bottom no matter how far away I moved. Yep him and his farts kept following me. Body odour guy took a fancy to Tizz and took possession of her waist. And no pants guy also took a fancy to Tizz, mainly because she "looks like a level headed girl"...nothing to do with the fact that our Tizz is stunning, no, she looks sensible. Say what? Whilst all this was happening, the hen was rubbing her face against farting guy's fat hairy belly, and also swapped jackets with body odour guy. Ugh!

The most challenging of the challenges was to find a condom. Now you'd think on a night out around the town that this wouldn't be so hard. We tried going into the ladies toilets to buy one. Turns out that in Stockton you can't buy a condom from a ladies loo, but for the ultimate in safe sex you can buy: a vibrator for a fiver, a jumping pecker for 3 quid, and tampax for a pound:

Determined not to be beaten, I set about asking several men around me if they had a condom we could possibly have for our challenge card. Rather worryingly I was told by most of them that I wouldn't find a condom in Stockton. Don't these people watch those adverts about safe sex? Very concerning. One kindly balding gentleman told me I could have his condom if I was willing to use it with him...it was at this point that Dizz gave up the challenge. And ran away. We instead replaced the condom challenge with another whereby the hen had to ask a random blokey to wear the boxer shorts that she'd already obtained from another kindly fella. Said boxer shorts are now residing on one of my kitchen chairs as the hen didn't really want her husband-to-be to see them. Cheers K! All I can say is thank god she picked a cutie cute CLEAN gentlemen as said boxers are a nice pair and not minging in any way :o)

We rounded off the night by trying to escape the smelly/no pants guys who were following us around by dancing rather madly to some cheesey choons on a table. Yay!

Mucho fun was had by all. Who'd have thought that so much fun could be had in Stockton town? I might be ready for another night out round there in about, oooh, another 3 years time!

Happy Wedding to K and A for Saturday! xx

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

Season 2?

Sometimes my online rental reveals some real hidden gems. The series I've just finished watching was just one of them: Huff. Right from the pilot episode I was drawn in, this was superior tv my friends. It stars Hank Azaria as a psychiatrist, and Oliver Platt as his crazy bonkers addicted to everything friend, and Blythe Danner as his dotty mother...oh I could go on. First off I'd say, watch it! Second up is me asking the question, where is Season 2? I know there's one out there cos I IMDB'd it and there's a whole list of episodes. But it's nowhere to be found on dvd. Can this really be? The ending was a HUGE cliffhanger!! And now I may never know what happens next. No! This cannot be!

If anyone out there knows, or has seen it, please tell me what happens next. Is Russell dead? Will Teddy crash the car? How long does Beth's mom hold out for? And is that Hungarian guy real? And most importantly, if you've got it on dvd, pretty please can I borrow it?

Monday, 17 March 2008

Music to Dizz's wonky ears

So I'm hurrying home this evening as my mission is to go buy new pillows for my bed, when I am stopped in my tracks by a sign announcing a half price shoe sale! all shoes must go! closing down! This is the kind of sign that Dizz dreams about! Of course I had to go in. And of course I ended up buying shoes. Two pairs. Of which I have kindly taken some photos so you can see how ever so cute and funkay they are. And both pairs cost me ten pounds. Yep my friends. Five pounds per pair. Woohoo!

Pair 1: For those sophisticated days when Dizz needs to rock a patent peep toe low court with metal heel

Pair 2: For those days when Dizz just rocks the funkay

Today has been a big smiley day. If I had one of those charts that rewards myself (it has been known...) it would be a gold star day. Lots of laughter, lots of merriment, peas flying across tables at lunchtime, two pairs of shoes, two new pillows for dreamy sleep, and yet another survey guy chatting me up at my door! Yep, I don't know what's going on peeps but everytime I get someone at my door they always end up throwing me some compliment, chatting the chat. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining! It's just become a standing joke now. I think it has something to do with the belts... :o)

Ta-ta x

Monday, 10 March 2008

Please slow down

I just noticed it's Easter NEXT WEEK! How did that happen? I thought it was ages away still. I don't know what's happened to time recently, but it's just zooming past far too fast for me. Can we slow it down a bit please?

Sunday, 9 March 2008

The hungry bin

Since the tragic loss of the belt (R.I.P) I have been steadily chucking out clothing that's reached its very last legs. And it's all my favourite stuff, hence why it's so well loved and full of holes. First after the belt were the skinny jeans. Gone. Next up were two Gap tops that had actual holes in them, actual holes! Gone. Then today I had to chuck yet another pair of jeans that can no longer be worn cos they've bagged in all the bad areas, namely the back and the front, and as any lady worth her fashion salts knows, baggy arses and fronts are not a good look :o(

There are of course some benefits to this: SHOPPING! Yay! I decided that the reason the jeans don't last so long is cos I wear them for work too. So I made a new rule: work must now be smart(ish). I went to the grand H&M practically everyday for a week and spent money in there every single time. They rock! For cheap, funkay stuff, you simply cannot go wrong. I'm now the proud owner of 2 new skirts (which got so many compliments they've paid for themselves ten times over), a new hoodie that was on special offer for a fiver (!), and 2 black jersey basic tops. Get me, all smart(ish) for work. Skirts every day! Today's the first day I've worn jeans all week. I even inspired T to try the smart(ish) look and she wore an actual dress on Friday! Wow the power... :o)

In other news:
1. The dizzies are improving daily. I'm a much more smiley Dizz these days
2. I saw actual blossom on the trees which means Spring is on its way, yippee!
3. I might actually be in love with my new food processor...
4. I made hummus. And it was bloody lovely! Yay, no longer will I need to buy this much loved nosh treat
5. I've revised my opinion about Kate Nash. I foolishly judged her to be all blah. Turns out she is effin wonderful! I heart her cd so much that I've just pur-chased my own copy. That song: 'Nicest Thing' oh! breaks my heart: I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to...sleep (sad smile from Dizz, oh wouldn't that be lovely, hmmmm big sigh)
6. I'm outraged that they've postponed Damages for 2 weeks cos of some stupid sport! Come on, how can you end on that cliffhanger then expect us to wait!!
7. This weekend has been cookery-tastic. Not only did I make the hummus, I also made a coffee cake. And am cooking up chicken and bacon casserole for my parentals tonight. Yum
8. Children's hair accessories are so much more funkay than adults. I got a huge plastic pink flower yesterday on a hair bobble, it's coolio!
9. Getting stuck inside dresses in changing rooms and having no-one with you is really embarrassing. Especially when you have to ask the changing room assistant to un-do the zip and you're basically stood in the shop with your blue bra and spotty knickers on display for all to see whilst she struggles with it too
10. Full skirts that are all the trend make you look like an elephant if you are blessed in the full bottom department.

Here's to another good week x