Friday, 27 March 2009

Dire, drivel and dross... the new triplets. Nope, not the names of new dogs. Instead the words that describe the last 3 films I have been to see. Let's start from the top.

The International. Starring Clive Owen and Naomi Watts. Watch the trailer for this movie and it looks like a super thrilling ride. Go and see it and get a numb bum (waaaaayyyy too long), and totally baffled, and I mean right from the start. Literally. I had no clue what was going on. And it wasn't just me being dense as the majority of the audience came out with puzzled expressions. The only saving grace was the shoot out in the Guggenheim in NYC. But it wasn't enough to save the film. Duf-fer. Don't do it.

Next up, another Clive film. This time Duplicity. What can possibly go wrong? Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, espionage, romance, thrills, spills...snoozing. Yep, just down the aisle from us there was a man snoring. I almost fell asleep twice, did that thing where your head drops and then BANG you jump awake. The only saving grace of that film was trying out the new Ben and Jerry's icecream. Yet again, dear blog readers, do not waste your time seeing this film.

And finally, for the hat trick of awfulness, last up is Knowing. Again with the good trailer. Yet again with the awful film. This one could well have been the worst of them all. Too long. The cheese factor was beyond description. Nicholas Cage, tut tut, you should truly be ashamed of yourself. The ending was shaking your head bad. Lesson learned from this film: don't let Wavey pick what we go and see. Ever again. I knew we should have gone to see Mall Cop...

So dear readers. Take heed of these warnings. Don't go and see these films as you will never get back the 7+ hours that they take to watch. You know it's going to be a strange year for films when the best cinema experience of the year so far has been Confessions of a Shopaholic...

Over and out x

Friday, 20 March 2009

Plus dog makes three

I'm not much of a dog person. Never have been. In fact, when I was about 8 or 9 I was so scared of these two barking dogs that I got into a strangers car when they offered to take me home and away from the dogs....funnily enough that one didn't go down too well with my mam. So when Wavey told me that he was going to be dog-sitting for his son's dog I was not entirely sure how this would be. Especially as all I was told is that she's a Rottweiler and her name is Stella (visions of Wavey wandering the streets doing a tortured Marlon Brando impression - Stel-la...) The Rottweiler bit scared me the most as my only knowledge of them is via the news when they have ripped children's faces off in horrible attacks. Not exactly good publicity.

I met Stella last night. First thing that she did was bark when I knocked on the door. She introduced herself to me by sniffing my hand and then sticking her nose in my crotch. Nice to meet you too! I didn't stop long that first time as I was on my way to my drum lesson and was just calling in to pick up the car which I can now drive too (eeeh get me!). But I did go back later.

The second time I arrived she was okay straight away. Came over and licked my hand a few times. Turns out she's the biggest softie going. Big being the important word. She's HUGE! She's tall, she's broad, she's a big giant of a dog. And she's a bit of a fatty to be honest, she's definitely eaten too many pies (do dogs eat pies?) And you know what else? She gets in the way! Wavey and I were sat on the sofa doing our usual chitchat/snog routine and she was staring at us! Yep, just sat there staring like we were some kind of entertainment show. Eeek! The first time it was funny but after that it started to get a bit uncomfortable, we're not used to being watched! Then she upped the ante and started shuffling towards the sofa...looking up at us...shuffling a bit more...until she was basically between us and put her head in my lap and started nudging for us to stroke and pet her. Thus was our snogging on the sofa ruined. Pah!

When it got time for me to be heading home she went mad when we put our coats on. It was clear that she was coming with us. All the way to mine she was prancing along all full of (pie?) energy. Wavey reckoned she was showing off for me as she hadn't been like that when he'd walked her earlier. We got to mine and she tried to come in the house as well, so we ended up having a goodnight snog on the doorstep like teenagers.

And there you have it. My dog tale. Stella is with Wavey until Thursday of next week. Reckon she'll get used to us by then?

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

My eyes! My ears!

A few of you may have noticed that the past few days has brought something we haven't seen in a long time, the sun! And with the lovely glowing sun has been some milder weather. How I've written that is very important for this post. Note that I didn't say it was hot, or even what I would describe as warm, but mild Spring weather. This hasn't stopped the fair people in my town from deciding that now is the time to break out the flip flops, the shorts, the pasty white skin that has been hidden for months and months, the hideous sights that I have seen have truly hurt my eyes. What is wrong with these people? When there's still the potential for your toes to turn blue, it's clearly not the right time to strip your feet of the socks and boots and expose your toes for all the world to see. No no no. PUT THEM AWAY! Until it is May. That is the rule. I admit there may be exceptional circumstances when Easter can be unseasonably warm and some fabric flat pumps can be worn without socks, but no no no to flipflops people. Put your feet and pasty legs away!

Overheard in the bus station today, one of the delightful residents of this very same town (yep she was probably wearing flipflops too) instructed her child today to: "get on the fucking bus Warren babe..." Seriously? Is this really the way to address the future generation?

I know you may think that I've come across all grumpy but this is so not the case. Sometimes the sights and sounds of my delightful town slightly overwhelm me and I have to share it with you, my dear readers.

I didn't actually blog in great detail about the kindly gentleman who offered to give Tizz and I crabs, but I think the title of this post would cover that. As does the skanky dancer who was, shall we put it politely, dry humping the poor OAP in Georgia Browns.

I know, I know, I hear you ask, how is it possible that one so refined as yourself Dizz, comes from such a hideous place? Well, to be fair, as J-bean tells us, not all of the residents are so delightful...and most of the time I am wonderfully entertained by such things and not horribly offended as you would think. And besides, they certainly provide me with material for blog posts.

Over and out x

Friday, 6 March 2009

night out!

strange!!! We're currently in georgia browns having been verbally accosted by some old guy in the Thomas Sheraton promising to give us crabs ( oh no thanks ). Here when been witness to the sexual harrassment of another oap by some young floozies who seem to be trying to out do britany in the skank dancing stakes eeeek! Stay tuned for more....

Tizz & Dizz x

Monday, 2 March 2009

Wimps the Pair of You

I am very disappointed in Dizz and Wavey for not going through with their plan at the weekend. Tcha!

Let me introduce a new blog character: the evil Een.
The evil Een is well named because she is actually eeeevilllll. Unfortunately she is besotted with Wavey. I mean she lurves him; she takes every opportunity to stroke him and press up against him. She giggles like a schoolgirl when he's around. Wavey finds this extremely uncomfortable; the rest of us find it hilarious. At the moment, the evil Een is totally unaware that there's anything more than friendship between Dizz and Wavey. When she finds out we fully expect her to explode with jealousy/rage/malice.

So, Dizz'n'Fizz'n'Tizz plus Wavey were at a party at the weekend. The evil Een was there too. Dizz and Wavey had a plan - they were going to have a snog right in front of the evil Een. I was very excited about this because 1) it would be interesting to see a human being explode and 2) if she didn't explode we would all be there to shield Dizz from the evil Een's malevolence. A cunning plan! Dizz and Wavey wouldn't be found guilty in any court of law just for having a snog (something I'm fairly certain they've done before) and there was a very good chance we might be rid of the evil Een permanently. (If you think this seems a tad harsh - remember I am prone to hyperbole, and she really is evil, honest.)

Then they wimped out. Pah! I say, pah!