If I had to name one thing that was going to stress me out about the course I could do it right now: the numbers. If it was just a simple case of writing down 1 to 10, or even some simple multiplying then I'm right there, I follow it, I can do it, it's not a problem. Well actually that's not entirely true. Sometimes when I'm doing bar or icecreams at theatre I'm sure I under or over charge people because my brain goes into complete scramble mode when it comes to numbers.
Right now I'm in numbers hell. I'm trying to understand risk management and I do, I'm all down with the basic theory. But they can't just let it lie there. Oh no, they want to QUANTIFY the mutha-effer! I mean why? Why can't they just come up with a pretty colour chart and say if something is green, amber, or red. Why do numbers have to come into it? Why does a risk have to have a probability value? And while I'm at it, why does a consequence need a value as well? I spent much of the lecture on Tuesday applying the "I'm listening" face while inside my brain was in turmoil. I know it sounds really rubbish and a bit pathetic but as soon as I see numbers and maths my normal understanding brain turns to mush and all I see is this weird scramble in front of my eyes that might as well be double dutch. The problem is that I don't feel I can move onto the next chapter until I understand this as it's covered in the basic, overview bit of the textbook.
It's lucky that both Wavey and Fizz are maths people. I am hoping (please oh please) that they will be able to explain it to me, in a straightforward, easy to understand manner so that I can get past this block. But even this causes me anxiety because what if they can't? What if I can never get past this and am doomed to a life of only words? Actually that wouldn't be such a bad thing...
For now though it's time to step away from the book. Take a break, pop out for some fresh air, hope that out there some sort of maths bird will fly around my head and put all the probability knowledge I need into it. It could happen. It's a probable event. Now what number value would I apply to this actually happening?
*flees out the door*