Downstairs I shall stay

Found out today that I didn't get the job. It didn't really come as too much of a surprise to me. Upon completing my very first ever presentation, that I managed to make last more than 8 minutes, all I really wanted to do was slump down in the seat and have a cup of tea. I certainly wasn't equipped to deal with 3 very tough strategic questions. So began the waffling. I think I pulled it back by the end but it wasn't enough this time round. But you know what? It's okay, really it is. One of my very good buds got the job and I couldn't be happier as she truly harbours the dream of Librarian. I on the other hand, am thinking yet again that this is not the future profession for me.

It's not the first time I've had these doubts. For years now I've been wondering on an almost daily basis what it is that I actually want to do with my life. I'm hoping to know soon but hey, no hurry eh :)

Even though the news was disappointing it was actually an okay kind of day. The big boss lady asked for 5 minutes of my time where she informed me that my presentation was excellent and she asked me if I would consider showing it to all staff...wowsers! I would never have guessed in a million years that she would say that, ever. And it made me feel pretty good. The presentation was a hurdle that I needed to overcome. I did it, and I must have done pretty okay - and I feel proud of myself for that achievement. I had a bit of banter with one of my favourite subject librarians and lots of chit chat with my lovely colleagues. It's done, the decision was made and there's no point pouting about it. It wasn't going to spoil my day; the never ending stats that I'm working on will do that all by themselves, no point adding something else to the mix.

To be honest, I feel kind of relieved. I blogged a couple of weeks ago about not being entirely sure if it was what I wanted, and the idea of going "upstairs" is still something I say in hushed tones. The relief that I feel is obviously a mixture of all sorts, that this week is finally over, that I survived the presentation and interview, that I've made a start on Christmas...it is definitely all those things. But it's also a quiet phew about being able to stay exactly where I am with all my lovely warm peeps that make me happy. Is that really so bad...?

A few weeks ago I made a tentative step towards getting some experience in a whole new field by volunteering in the fund-raising team of a local hospice. The two referees must have returned glowing references as I've had an email asking for a meeting after Christmas. I don't know what it will bring, or even if it's something that I will enjoy but I believe it's a step in the right direction. A small step to move away from continuously moaning about how awful work is by finding out what else might be out there for me. 2011 might just be the year that shows me a new path to follow.

This has been rather a serious post for wee Dizz, not the kind of tone I normally follow. So just to reassure you all that normal service has resumed, I shall make my final point: clearly the cool factor will remain downstairs where it belongs and not *whispers* "upstairs" in that alternative strange land. Stay cool forever...