Real

Okay so quick catch up for those of you lagging behind. Christmas Eve, Dizz moved into Wavey's house, with the plan of doing mine up all pretty like and renting it out to some lovely professional person or couple who will take care of it lovingly...since then, in the (ahem) 5 months it's taken us to get it sorted, it's been a hard slog. But it's been worth all the effort. Now the end is actually upon me. It feels kind of odd.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to go back there. I LOVE living with Wavey, it's soooo much fun and very lovely, but it's actually real now. I will make appointments with rental agencies, they will come round and evaluate the (now very beige and neutral coloured) house, they will say that yes, of course they can rent it and we can make you lots of money while we're at it Miss Dizz, and then someone will move in. I'm not sure what I thought I would feel, probably a combination of relief and excitement and happy about someone else paying my mortgage...but in actual fact I feel odd.

I think today a lot of it was about feeling a bit like a spare part. I cleaned all the kitchen cupboards inside and out and Wavey was doing other bits and pieces, and then I was done. And I consulted the big list and there was lots of crossings out and not many things left, and what was left I didn't have the right equipment for, like a yard broom for example. So I wandered around. And looked around. And actually came to realise the real as it were.

And now I just feel...odd. I felt much better after a big hug from Wavey. And actually writing it down now makes me feel a bit silly to be honest. What a doofus. It's hard to describe really but I'll give it a try. Because we've been doing it up for the past few months, in my head it's been another job almost (there was a lot to do) that just had to be gotten on with and I didn't really think about how I would feel at the end of it. Slog slog slog, hi ho hi ho it's off to work we go type thing. Then today, wandering around, it was a bit like saying one word and then finding the positive opposite. So I was sad, but then incredibly proud because we've done a bloody good job and it looks amazing. Then I was a bit apprehensive, what if someone trashes it - I'll be heartbroken, then I remembered that I'm going to be doing it via agencies, and I'm going to put strict tenant demands out there cos I don't want just any old dick in there who will think nothing of trashing someone else's property and therefore felt reassured.

So at the end of this rather reflective post, I shall sum up by saying that I think what really happened today was the final goodbye to my very first house. I have so many happy memories of my years in there, so many good times with my most favourite people, but they'll come with me no matter where I live. I'd choose to blame this thick feeling in my throat on my brewing cold, but being entirely honest, the mixed emotions are probably more to blame. What a doofus eh...?